A Little Bit of the Best and Worst

Damn The Man's Take on a Few Things that Come to Mind at the end of the Catalysmic Year of 2008:

Biggest Assholes

1. King of all Assholes For Life: Dick Cheney

Aptly named, Cheney is the epitome of the white, European Male’s peculiar version of Machismo, does what he wants when he wants and is never, ever wrong-My Way or the Highway, The Buck Stops Here, I’m the Decider, etc etc. Most assholes who embrace this personal dichotomy are merely annoying but Cheney, oh man! Somehow, when the majority of the country was neck deep in the national consume-fest orgy, their corneas replaced by dollar signs, this slimy motherfucker slipped in the back door. Utilizing his sock-monkey puppet Bush, (Moron of the Century), Cheney then hi-jacked the reins of the most powerful country of the United States. He then proceeded to reshape it in his odiferous image which, of course, resulted in his COMPLETELY. FUCKING. US. UP. Oh, it’s epic, it’s historical, it’s completely insane! As if single-handedly orchestrating the dismantling of the power, wealth and respect of our great country wasn’t enough of an achievement, he goes out as he came in: The very definition of Arrogance; rationalizing that he did nothing wrong because, by virtue of being the Vice President, everything he does is right and he leaves the country nearly choking to death on the toxic fumes of his flatulence. I often joke around about one person or other being the anti-Christ but honestly, if I actually believed in such a thing? Cheney quite likely is the real deal. Good Riddance ASSHOLE.

2. Matt M. Dummermuth, the United States attorney for the Northern District of Iowa

The man behind perhaps Iowa’s biggest travesty of justice, the Postville Immigration Raid.

3. Sarah Palin

If I went to high school with Sarah Palin, undoubtedly, I would have kicked her ass.

4. Rush Limbaugh

I really wish this cretin would just shut the fuck up already.

Coolest Dudes Around

1. OBAMA

Thankgodthankgodthankgodthankgod!

2. Paul Krugman

Nobel-Peace-Prize winning Economist telling it like it is! Congratulations MR. K-you the bomb!

3. Erik Camayd-Freixas

Certified Spanish Interpreter for the Federal Courts employed during the Postville raids and who wrote the true, sad and repulsive story of what really happened at the Cattle Congress grounds.

4. Dude who Threw His Shoes at Bush

Thank you for doing what any other person in the world with any semblance of cajones would jump at the chance to do.

Best Editorial Comic

although I guess, technically in 2009. By Drew Sheneman of the Star Ledger

Favorite Conservative Columnists

1. Paul Mulshine of the Newark Star Ledger

Dude hates SUV’s, Neo-Conservatism, Bush, Corzine, pretty much all government and loves surfing and beer. Recently, he had the balls to out Caroline Kennedy as equal to Sarah Palin in her abysmal grasp of English Grammar which, sadly, I have to agree with. Although he sometimes pisses me off, ya gotta love a guy who hates SUV’s. Come on!

2. Kathleen Parker, syndicated columnist

Kathleen Parker pisses me off a lot more often than Mulshine but she stands by her word. When she called for Palin to gracefully bow-out of the presidential race, she received an avalanche of hate-mail, some of it threatening from the Conservative Right with whom she has always aligned herself. She had the honesty to write that in all her conservative column writing she had never experienced such vitriol from the left side of the spectrum. I may not agree with nearly anything she says but I enjoy her columns nonetheless.

Favorite Liberal Columnists

1. Fran Wood of the Star Ledger

Clear and concise and right on target, alas Fran has recently announced her (probably forced) retirement. Fran! Don’t Go!

2. Matt Taibbi, Political Contributor the Rolling Stone

Quite possibly THE most cynical and sarcastic voice of my generation and folks, that is saying a LOT. He unsparingly exposed life on the campaign trail, undercover as a minion of Hagel’s mega church, and amidst the 9-11 conspiracists. Not for the faint at heart.