Why McCain Picking Palin Reminds Me of a Bunch of Dumb Crocodiles (strong language alert)

(apologies to Stephen Pastis)


So...McCain picks a woman ... McCain picks...a...woman...a woman?

Hey there, now-hold your horses-this isn't just any woman-this is the modern day embodiment of Phyllis Schlafly. Wait? What's that you say? Phyllis Schlafly is STILL alive? WTF? And she just published a book titled, "Supremacists"? Again, WTF???? Is she the anti-christ? She must be, like, a hundred years old by now...oh...she's only ten years older than McCain? Which puts her a WHOPPING 16 years shy of the century mark? Hmmm...

But I digress...Palin...yeah. In McCain's obvious and pathetic attempt to pander to the disappointed Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits, he has managed to choose a vice-presidential candidate who, other than sporting a penis, could not be more diametrically opposed to the values espoused by said pandered group. At the same time, managing to insult ALL women, with this metaphorical pat on the head and reassuring, "There, there now, Dear" gesture.

Well...message to McCain:

Motherfucker, PUHLEEEEASE!

Now, I understand how the cumulative loss of irreplaceable brain cells starts to have an impact as we age, but MUST we be so obvious? Evidentally Palin's main claim to fame is choosing not to abort her fetus...now, there's an unusual decision by a self-declared Chrisitan Conservative, anti-Choice candidate. (NEWSFLASH: I decided to NOT abort TWO fetuses..fetusi?...and it seems to have worked out pretty well. Yay me! I mean, Yay God!) Her other claim to fame (or infame) is her apparent abuse of her governorship in the firing of an Alaskan State Trooper whom just happened to have recently divorced her sister (take THAT, Mrs. Stand-by-your-man Clinton).

So where do the dumb crocodiles come in? Well, if you're familiar with the genius Stephen Pastis' comic strip, "Pearls Before Swine", then you know about the Fraternity of Crocodiles, those wacky amphibians who, in their pathetic attempts to eat the PC, left-leaning Eco-warrier Zebra are constantly inadvertantly offing themselves. What lovable, dumb characters, those zany Crocodiles. Then again, they don't have the future of Western Civilization in their hands.

And neither does McCain...yet.

Let's keep it that way, folks!